By theory, in the Knapp model of relational development, In the article "The Rhetoric of Goodbye" there are five stages of coming together and five stages of falling apart. What are they? let us discuss about it and maybe you can think about where your position is in terms of your love life. :)
Coming Together
The first stage is initiating, this is the stage where you opposite gender friends wants to know you, this is done after filtering his surrounding.
Second stage is experimenting, this stage involves small talk, and started to "feel each other out". There are more self disclosure in this stage.
Third is Intensifying where there is increased in commitment. You start to think of them most of the time, and maybe most of the time you can find yourself daydreaming. You will then starts to disclose your feelings towards each other. And physical contact starts coming in.
The forth stage in coming together is Integrating both of you starts to tell your friends that you are a couple and definately both of you will try to coupling individual characters into a realtional unit, because you are an item now.
Lastly, it ends up with Bonding. This stage cames when you start to make commitment with each other and has shared future together. It is mark by public rituals such as marriage and engagement and having child together.
Now come the bitter part of relationship, that is Falling apart (if any).
The first stage in this is differentiating. That is both of you find there are alot of differences between the two of you and you can't seem to get everything works out because it was too many overt conflicts.
The second stage is Circumscribing. where you starts to deny your feeling and communication between the two of you is restricted to safe areas.
Third is Stagnation, in this stage there is absent of joy and excitement and there will be a routine "scrips" as you no longer find interest in your other half.
Avoiding makes it the forth stage in falling apart, you starts to avoid one another and withdraw physically and emotionally. In this stage there will be a lot of dilemna as you start to get that hint of breaking up.
Lastly is of course Terminating the relationship. You stop contacting each other and move on to other relationship.
The things that are essential ingredients for a good relationships are commitment and dialog while communicating problems in a relationship is criticism, complaint and avoidance. So, if you want to maintain a good relationship, communicate more!
So, where do you stand?
i guess its the building up of relationship is the sweetest part especially the intensifying stage. This is when people will spend more time with their loved one and think of more romantic stuff haha... it is also the most important stage i feel as usually if a relationship can undergo this stage, the couple are most likely ready for the integrating and bonding stage.
ReplyDeleteComing to the sad part after marriage if both parties decide to separate, the children will suffer. That is why think properly and carefully before making a decision to get married. It is a long lifetime responsibility.
Relationships, haha I've always wondered the need for this to be taught in a communications module. =) I feel that Knapp's model is rather accurate, however it probably isn't the only way in which stages in a relationship's based on. For one I feel that the process of getting actually asking the question is the most difficult. In fact if I'm not mistaken that's where the majority of couples face problems with! However I feel that as Hui Yong mentioned, Marriage is not a thing to be taken lightly, the socio-psychological impacts of a divorce is not something that should be messed around with! What say you?
ReplyDeleteInterpersonal skills, perhaps something rather mystical to me. This determines someone's ability to interact with people around them, not just limited with love relationships.
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